Thoughts On Transitioning Journey Thus Far
Nov 21, 2024
A few days ago, I made a post on Bluesky and a follow-up quote the next day. Both of which were basically about how I've been feeling regarding my transition journey up to this point.
Now, I'm not saying I'm "detransitioning" here, per-se. But after over 4 years of HRT and at least physically transitioning from male to female, I've come to realize a few things:
- I never truly felt like a man for a good portion, if not all, of my life, but I never felt like a woman either.
- I firmly believe that I fall under the non-binary umbrella; be it non-binary in of itself or something more specific.
- I don't like having body or facial hair, though I don't mind pubic hair, even if it's a bit nerve-wracking to shave.
- As much as I hear AFABs complain about them, I like having boobs. They can be fun, little stim toys attached to your chest!
- Painting my nails and doing some basic makeup work isn't the worst thing in the world. I'm a bit mad I never tried these out earlier in life.
- If I can afford it, I would willingly dress to the nines for formal events (yes, even family ones). We're talking dress or some other feminine, formal wear, makeup, nails, hair did, accessories, the works.
- While it took a while for me to feel comfortable wearing them, I like wearing a skirt when going out for a night on the town or to a bar or club. Specifically, one that runs just above my knees or about the middle of my thighs.
- I'm more comfortable wearing leggings in public, even if the waistbands always tend to roll down due to my large tummy.
With all this being said, I've realized a few things about myself despite my transition thus far:
- I still default to acting more like a man than a woman, as I feel like I'm not being my authentic self if I were to act like a stereotypical woman. Plus it's just how I am.
- I still dress and carry myself more like a man than a woman, even if I were to were somewhat femme or androgynous clothing (favorite combo is leggings, t-shirt, flannel, hat, tennis shoes). Partially it's for my own safety, namely when I'm at work or around certain people (i.e. family). Partially it's because, again, I don't feel like I'm being my authentic self otherwise. Partially it's because of anxiety.
- I tend to dress more masc, or perhaps more butch, than femme for reasons I explained in the previous point.
- I can somewhat soften up my voice to make it not sound too masculine, but I'm sure it doesn't sound remotely close to a feminine voice at all.
- Even if I may appear and act more masculine overall, I'm glad my early transition helped me feel more comfortable with my feminine side.
Soooooo, yeah! Didn't exactly expect this to end up being a couple of lists but here we are!
Regardless, I wanted to share a bit of my transition journey in hopes it may help anyone out there who's in a similar situation as me. Maybe anyone out there who's trying out this whole transition thing or are unsure if they should even start. Well, I will say this: There is no, one way to transition. Many trans peeps go through HRT, yes, and many go through voice training and even go as far as getting various surgeries. It's very common and a typical goal of any trans person to completely change into the "opposite gender," whether it's male-to-female (MTF or trans femme) or female-to-male (FTM or trans masc).
And then there's all the enby goofballs like me who fall somewhere between male and female, both, neither, outside the binary entirely, or just don't give a fuck about gender all together!
In all seriousness, wherever you are along your journey in your little, queer life, whatever gender you identify as, whatever sexual orientation you identify as, if you're certain of who you are, trying things out, have no clue, or are still in the closet, remember: You're still vaild as FUCK!
